Thursday, August 24, 2006

i mustn't let this feeling of whateverisms fill me. honestly, i crave the words that spell his name to flash across the screen saying something, anything. just anything. and the freakiest thing is, he will somehow beep when my thoughts happen to linger about or around him, which is like most of the time nowadays. oh good god. i am such a nincompoop.

but to be realistic, i wish to stop this silly, haphazard beleaguerment. a few silly exchange of words and i become mush and jello in an instant. poof. is that all it takes to break me?

my tongue is saying No No No while my lips manage a sly smile and my eyes almost disappear forming the all-too-familiar crescent moon as i walk on clouds on the streets and serenade to the waiting trees and bushes.

i pray for you. everyday.
but the thing is, i wonder who in the world you are.
and when you come, how will i know it's ever you.
how do i know it's really you, and not phases i go through before i get to the real thing.

but first things first, to please please PLEASE keep my emotions in check this time. i'd go crazy if things were to go awry, or whatever. even the littlest thing would set this bomb of a brain ticking. i am that insane.

maktub.

skribbled at 2:13 AM

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

must not must not must not must not must not must not must not must not
fall.

maktub.

skribbled at 12:57 AM

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

i wish i somehow had the special ability to do something with all of this. to channel it into something, somewhere.
but all i ever end up getting is this mad conundrum of pent-up, haphazard emotions that fling and whizz every-single-where even i can't catch up. i end up not controlling it. me in this body.
and everytime it happens it's like this hole in my chest getting bigger and bigger and it tears dear god how can something so painful ever be allowed to exist. i don't get stronger everytime i break, i get more resilient. i get pained. and weak. so much weaker than when i started.
oh dear god please just extract the painful residue that lingers behind even after the whole ordeal.

maktub.

skribbled at 12:28 AM