Friday, May 26, 2006

crashing inside my chest like it's going to explode any minute soon. my heart is thumping so wildly i swear i cannot keep up with this rapid heartbeat.
my thoughts fly everywhere whenever i'm in the daily train. him, him, him. dear god, why is it whenever i start to fall, the next minute i beg you to help me kill thoughts of that very same person in my head. even the most minute, like someone's shirt, or eyes, will take me back to the best train ride i'd ever had since a very very long time.
i readily put on this mock come-hither eyes and try my best to float instead of touch the ground. funnily i am in euphoria now whenever i paint the streets with plugged ears and beautiful words for company. not a single human soul as a friend for the road.
today, i have also found the most perfect song to make out or love to. just listening to the singer carressing the words in my ears was like an aural undressing session. it was delicious, to say the least.
how pathetic. doing up mock projects, coz real ones won't surface anytime soon. they say time flies when you're having fun. i'll be the judge of that.
pray my mind doesn't stray.
too much.

if i confess, will you admit you've been thinking of me too?

maktub.

skribbled at 2:12 AM

Monday, May 22, 2006

all the capriconians seem to love to click their hooves and bolt even before mating season ends and i'm left as dry as last year's draught. deeper and deeper into my coccoon each time it happens.
whereas the sleepy lions are the ones who love to come abling in. sauntering, sizing up their prey, and never ever leaving especially after they've released their pee all round the newfound territory to ward off the invisible others.
horned bulls, black, brown and otherwise, are the ones i don't understand most. i don't remember hailing any crimson-colored cloth or otherwise infront of their maddening eyes but when they charge, head-on furious with enamour, all i want to do is cradle them in my small arms as they instantly transform into the little pups (and later, confused devils) that they are.
it's always been them throughout. whether willingly or non. and it's equally taken me back in both wonderment and surprise, unconsciously or otherwise.
there is a complexity in this simple element that i am searching for. and the quest is made even more so impossible with the rest of the other mortal sins and duties we are so non-commitedly accustomed to.
i am waiting for the day where i can look you right in the eye, vomit my entire heart's content, and just run.

maktub.

skribbled at 11:01 PM

Thursday, May 11, 2006

my eyes are so goddamned swollen and puffy now. have been crying too much again. three am's are not good for me.
i wish i had more courage to kill my pathetic worthless self.

maktub.

skribbled at 11:27 PM

i try hard not to see it..still, it's there everytime. i really am superficial. and this sucks to the very core.
i was contented; with the medium type of company, talk, and whathaveyous. then, when i see a picture of the prototype, my mind just goes into autopilot and screams I WANT THAT ONE!
omg. i am such a bitch.

B is very nice. please tell me he thinks well of me too. a little more than just well perhaps?

*instant update*
see. juz as i'm thinking of him, he comes online. fhwoar. -_-
and my heart feels like jelly already now.

bah.
it's just crazy infatuation.

maktub.

skribbled at 1:51 AM

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

writing with my eyes closed.
tell me how to survive my days when every, single, minute, frigging little thing reminds me of Sunday the fateful.

and of how our last few minutes were spent grazing each other's covered shoulders and pretending to bump our fat thumbs, both fighting for the dial of the obsolete music player.
i loved the moment the sea transformed into our own little world. the rocks became our bedspread, and the sunset, the painting on the wall. and while our thoughts meandered into the casual, personal, and occasional unnecessary, i cannot help but think how much i willed that moment to stay that way forever. that instant where, whenever i turned, you'd always be there by my left. by my side. never gone. always poised, as calm and reassuring as i was. just at that moment.

how i wish i had more courage in me. to actually make these words and dreams come true. it's all in me, and up to me, i know. but things are but so difficult. can it be simple? will you let me? or will you run away the moment i say, Will you be my muse and my lover? will you be there till the end of days and after?

maktub.

skribbled at 12:53 AM