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Saturday, April 22, 2006
i don't know why i always end up with the sad, stoic ones.
the ones who let their days go by without as much as a double blink. feeling depressed out of choices they themselves have made, and have therefore, the chance to change if they'd wanted to.
i wish i can make his days happier.
but i'd need a plan - and a good one at that.
trying to make everyone happy is such a tedious task. but if it's something your heart lives for, why not go all out, ey? :)
ah, we shall see if the time shall be worth spending on it.
maktub.
skribbled at 1:12 AM
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
quiz results:
You're still single because you don't want to commit.
Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving — and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party.
But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all.
is this true??
maktub.
skribbled at 4:01 PM
Friday, April 14, 2006
i love intersections.
that point of combustion where two ends meet.
coz that's where we met, right here in my head. amidst the busy traffic, i conjured you to life, simply by thinking hard enough.
my body is yours, but you know that my soul belongs to Him alone.
everything else is working out wrongly, except for all these buzzes inside my head, all these magnificent thoughts, endless possibilities.
you make my dreams come true.
i'm sorry i cannot offer you the same.
maktub.
skribbled at 12:42 AM
Monday, April 10, 2006
homesick, coz i dont know where home is.
everything is a struggle in itself.
because if you don't, you will surely fail.
you are so sad, yet i find in that so beautiful.
but sometimes i am doubtful coz i don't believe there should be any like you left these days.
you are like this bounty that i found somewhere by the road. which opened by itself, and revealed to me all these wonderful secrets and things that i myself hid from the outside world.
you are the very heart upon my sleeve.
there is this familiarity in your face, your aura.
like, i have been there before. i have touched those moments.
the way you carve your words and mince them with mine.
the way you don't offer me any completeness.
am i falling for the wrong kind again? am i?
i should stop crying like so
coz i fear i would run out of tears very soon. it has been going on for several weeks now. my nose even bled three days in a row last week.
last years, when i hurt bad enough, sometimes someone would appear. as if by magic. as if He hears.
but now, i don't think i can hope on that any more.
how can i, when i don't even seek Him?
too concerned with my own self, i have forgotten my own Maker.
but then, why should i seek Him only when i need him?
i am not only greedy, i am selfish as well.
maktub.
skribbled at 1:21 AM
i might say tonight is the loneliest night of all times. but that won't be right at all. almost every night when i am sane feels exactly like this.
the lady in the film said she cried so much that her eyes got worse after time and she had problems breathing after a while. well, if that happens to me, you'd know why then.
maybe i should just get used to all of this.
all these walks alone and speaking only within the echoes of my own head.
just now under the blocks i was thinking again, of how i wish he'd feel like what i am feeling right now. or do you think it is the desperation perhaps? and the build-up of all these depressing tunes? i choke on tears practically everytime i write these entries.
i wish there was more capability in me to do more things. more fruitful missions and visions. more wonderful companions and maybe a perfect lover.
i'm greedy, aren't i?
maktub.
skribbled at 1:10 AM
Sunday, April 09, 2006
juvenile innocence.
you don't how how much you make my heart just go 'dup dup' everytime you come online.
the excitement that boils within these veins.
eventhough you mumble most of the time, and give me vague, post-modern answers, they make me smile.
coz, you are child-like in your life pursuits.
you are child-like in your wants.
and i am naught but a pale copy of my former self.
is it a girl's role to lay still and wait to instead be pounced upon?
for i am about to go all out and break it.
when is it too late to fall in love?
maktub.
skribbled at 6:43 PM
Saturday, April 08, 2006
big fat *sob*
just when i find someone coherent enough to have a decent conversation with, he has to diss me. and i have a feeling it's because of the cloth.
if this is true, then i hate it that guys are so superficial.
i really liked this one.
or at least, i was strongly beginning to.
and then this happens.
oh
woe
is
me
for choosing to follow what the verses commanded.
:(
maktub.
skribbled at 11:33 PM
unsettled.
and i don't think i will sleep well again tonight.
i guess i'm not the only one who has forgotten how to be happy.
we feel numb to the feeling.
what is it, anyway?
how can u confine it to a word.
we share similar life paths but what is the point if He does not will it, even after our efforts have been put into it.
i wish for someone with a common history and a shared future.
perhaps, that will be the best for a tainted soul like me.
maktub.
skribbled at 1:38 AM
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