Monday, June 27, 2005

whoever you are.
you are here.
you are reading. you are looking.
but you do not know.
so don't read into it too much like you so like to do
and please shove it where the sun don't shine.

onlymyMakercanjudgeme.

maktub.

skribbled at 5:52 PM

bloody sorry to say this but
i wonder what and where the fcuk i wrong with him.
the eternaleverlastinggoodness my foot.
the epitomeofinfinitepositivity my arse.

go suck your thumb, your big fcuking baby.

maktub.

skribbled at 5:47 PM

Monday, June 20, 2005

sometimes.. we really need to get hurt.
just to show we're not invicible.
just to bring us back down again.
.
.
.
sigh.
this sears me like crazy.

maktub.

skribbled at 3:43 AM

Saturday, June 18, 2005

"No one can be given a better and more abundant gift than patience." (Bukhari & Muslim)

yes. but it's so hard :(

i am so impatient. you can see it in the way i think. the way i presumably drive. the words i speak. and some, not all, of the things i do.

if you want someone who's vague, indecisive, who seeks each day as a new one, who would rather laugh off worries than brood over it, would rather lie down all day in the open plains than be burdened by the mundane, then by all means, take my hand.

but if you'd rather a life of certainty and monotony, of the trite, tried and tested, i beg you, please, just go with her.

this is killing me. truly.


worn me down, like a road. i did everything you told.
worn me down, to my knees. i did everything to please you.

maktub.

skribbled at 2:58 AM

Saturday, June 11, 2005

i have many things due to many different sorta people and yet here i am wasting my time away in the still of the night.
i miss him so much since dinner the other night. no other face but his. but like i said before, i simply cannot carry this on! this is too unhealthy :( i have to wait for him to come back and see what happens from there.

another one of the darlings will be someone else's by year's end inshaaAllah. it's not that i'm jealous or unhappy but darn it why must these things happen so fast?? or is it just me who's too slow? oh sigh. there goes another friend. slowly all my once single swingsters will be towed away by the male species leaving me furiously alone. still here, still confused, still deciding on which unfortunate soul's side i shall be with for the rest of my life.

why must people pay so much attention to silly castes and statuses and whatever blahs. right now, it's like you're A and i'm way way down at Y or Z or something. see, thing is, those people forget to realise that in between all that, both of those are still alphabets. we're not that much different really. i think he's scared to make the first move partly coz of that. and partly coz of this friendship. we heart each other a lot. way, way too much.

maktub.

skribbled at 1:59 AM

Friday, June 10, 2005

somehow.
strangely empty tonight. seriously numb. void.
been a long time since it came. but we had dinner the other night.
and when you threw your head back and roared with hoarse laughter, i sorta fell all over again.
i must remind myself of my own menial and miserable position in this human chain everytime feelings for you grow. i have been through this before. you are too good for me. i should never fall. and but yet i did.
no face but yours eversince that day. then something happened. and now. now you're back again. i asked God, pleaded with Him to oust you away. out of my sight, mind, if truly we are nothing. and certainly that you did.
but now, why are you here once more.
you know i can't stand your eyes.
they're only limpid pools which i will eventually drown into.

maktub.

skribbled at 12:07 AM

Sunday, June 05, 2005

i don't get it.
what do you see in me?
what? WHAT?
even i don't see that in myself and i am already so infatuated with my own self as it is.

it's not anything tragic.
i just dun wana end up disappointing you.
i know how expectations can kill a person.

and i'm still waiting for him <3

maktub.

skribbled at 9:34 PM

Saturday, June 04, 2005

do not be callous.
to stick with familiar terrain or bravely venture to unexplored territory? that is the question. that is the predicament. while history is, of course, important in getting the upperhand in any situation, logic has to slightly intervene here too.

obviously i crave excitement. adventure. risks. dangers.
but there's this voice that screams and nags at the back of my head, yelling at me to settle for something more stable. more grounded. more on this earth.

i want something to shock me.
so come on.
give me your best shot.
i'm all for it.

maktub.

skribbled at 11:15 PM