Saturday, May 21, 2005

hiss.
i don't like you very much.
you ought to know that by now.
scratchhhhhhhh.

maktub.

skribbled at 7:32 PM

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

loss.
i lost my purse yesterday. that little purse which contained my secrets. that perfume oil from mecca. my beautiful brown flower brooch which i can't get anywhere else. my face cream. and my newly-bought eyeliner.
i called high school this morning to check if i'd left it there but it wasn't!
drat. i wonder where it's gone to. who has it.
even the purse alone holds sentimental values.
i feel like crying. but at the same time it sounds stupid to cry over this.
i'm most sad about the perfume oil. it was from mecca.
i'm so careless.
so disappointed with myself.

maktub.

skribbled at 9:35 AM

Monday, May 16, 2005

aches.
not that i do not want you. i do, but common sense will not let me.
not that i do not love you. that i do too, but my heart now does so differently.
why did we ever have to start out young?
all those promises. all those broken promises.
i can never trust you again, you know that don't you.
and you can never feel for me that way again. i know.
all the interludes in between.
all those hearts you stole along your way.
and all the hearts i've bled along mine.

sometimes i think we're meant to be in a twisted sort of way.
then i smile at my own thought, at how silly that even sounds.
we're meant to sink.
either way, we're meant to sink.
it's just a matter of time.

and it's sick to know how much we hold a place for each other in our own black hearts.
i'm your comfort zone. and you're somehow still mine.

maktub.

skribbled at 1:22 PM

Monday, May 09, 2005

he did it.
he shattered me today.
cut me up into pieces without even making a single move.

tore me inside out.
left me drained and dead.

i'm so hurt
i can't even describe it.
the star. the star.
i long to be the star. and just stare at you from up above
knowing that i can't do anything for sure.

for what it's worth, i love you
and what is worse, i really do.

you broke me up real bad this time
i think i should just give up on you.

i'm really tired.
look into my eyes. you'll understand.

maktub.

skribbled at 10:48 PM

Sunday, May 08, 2005

i'll try, ok..
i'll try not to get so sad. i'll try not to get this sad.
it hurts, dammit.
when i see your face.
when your words touch the air.
when your smile paints the room.
and don't even get me started on your beautiful laughter.

it's scary.
this line that lies in between us.
it gets me so angry i wish it never existed in the first place.
it's what keeps me here. it's what keeps you there.
i want to pull and rip it apart. rid us of all the what-ifs and should-haves could-haves that lie waiting to pounce. ever ready. any time.

i get so angry. like now. take now, for instance.
my tears are hot and burn my cheeks.
i dare not even look you in the eye anymore.

sometimes i feel as if you're cheating me.
sometimes i feel as if i'm cheating myself.
i'm all drained out.

i wish i'm a star.

please, give me second grace..
please, give me a second face..
i've fallen far down
the first time around
now i just sit on the ground in your way

maktub.

skribbled at 10:17 PM